Memories Lost



Mom and I during a recent Christmas Holiday

What sucks when someone close to you dies are the memories lost.   One of the things which I find particularly upsetting is that you end up starting to forget the memories of the person who has passed away. I come down on myself so much sometimes when I try and remember something that Mom did and cannot. I just don't want to forget anything about her.

I was spent the day in Jim Thorpe, PA sightseeing today and came across some owl figurines. I remembered how much my mother used to love and collect owls back in the 70's and 80's. She had quite a collection of figurines. I suddenly became nervous and panicky that no one else would ever know that she just loved those owls! It would be a memory remembered by my sister Sheryl and brother Adam, but alas, ultimately lost. I grew very sad.

I also remembered how recently, she loved hearing about my local trips around the area and camping:  hiking around the Northwest; my sister's trips to Europe and the Islands, and my brother's trips around the world. She lived through us and enjoyed our travels. Mom also just loved chocolate covered cherries. I know it's a rather random memory, but as the years go on, her grandkids won't know about these random memories. I don't know everything about my grandparents and wish I knew more. Unfortunately, that is the way life goes I guess.  What a sad and sobering realization. Some memories will soon be forgotten.

I mourn lost memories. It just sucks. Who will know that my mother had a crazy Beanie Baby collection? Or that she was such a party girl in Key West, Florida, who loved their festival Fantasy Fest? She would walk up and down Duval Street with all the thousands of revelers. Her favorites shot was Hot Damn cinnamon schapps.  She would always have a bottle on hand to do shots with her kids when we came to visit.

During the 70's, Mom loved macrame, cross stitch, Judy Collins, and Abba. She made am awesome meatloaf and a rockin' spaghetti sauce. She had one of the best holiday parties in Wenonah. In later years, she collected Lladro ceramic figures and holiday nutcrackers.  After her passing, Adam, Sheryl, and I found that she kept gifts we had given her from back in the early 70's. She kept everything from hand made clay ashtrays to hand made birthday cards.

Mom also was a flower child from the 60's hippie generation and before that in the late 1950's, she roamed the beatnik smokey jazz clubs of the Village in New York City. She continued to love jazz up until she passed away. Diane Krall was amongst her favorites.  And even before that, my mom used to party it up at Rutgers University campus in New Brunswick, NJ. It tickled her pink that I would end up going to Rutgers myself, her old stomping grounds. I have an awesome picture of her at a Rutgers house party with the Phi Ep Fraternity. She was so excited for me when I joined my fraternity, Phi Kappa Psi.

Thanks for indulging me about these memories of my dear mother. I often write about things that I feel we all go through or can relate too. Losing someone is difficult, even after a couple years. You want to be able to honor them after they have passed by holding onto those important memories. I feel awful when I can't remember certain things about them. I guess it's part of moving on with life. You remember the love and feelings you had. Pictures and scrapbooks fill in the remainder.