The Holiday Fried Chicken Story

How does one begin their holiday season? Well, one may begin by shopping for gifts for that special someone. Another may begin by donating some time to charity.  And still another may begin by attending any one of a  myriad of holiday events and parties. My 2011 holiday season had a more embarrassing and I might add, quite disgusting, beginning.

It was the day of our holiday party at my job. I was feeling very festive and finally felt like my holiday season was beginning. Sure, we had the party in our break room. It was even OK that we had no alcohol. It was also fine that I didn't even get to sample the famed spiced apple cider made yearly by my supervisor. I was just happy to be beginning my holiday season after two prior stressful work weeks. The holiday party was alot of fun and the rest of the day went quickly.

With shopping bags in hand filled with gifts from coworkers, I strode out to my car with my friends. I think I even had a little bounce in my step. We were all talking about what we would be doing for Christmas Eve and Day, now only three days away.  You could just feel the candy cane excitement in the air!

We all parted ways at the stairs after I remembered I parked on the ramp and not the second level. Bidding everyone a good night, I made my way to my little old red Saturn three cars up on the ramp.  I made a left to go between the cars and before I knew it, I was sliding across something wet, crunchy, and greasy on the parking deck. Up went the bags in the air and down went my ass!  What IS that I slipped on? I exclaimed to myself.  Gifts were now all over the place out of bags, My briefcase had slid under someone's car. I swung myself upwards onto my feet by climbing up the side of the car next to me.



(SOURCE)

I looked down at the deck between the cars to spy a smashed greasy chicken breast on the ground, on my shoe, and on my pant leg. And then I smelled it. Hours old fried chicken. I braced myself between the two cars and projectile vomited from the rancid grease smell. There went 2 hours of holiday party eating! How I missed both cars and my bags I will never know. I chalk it up to years of training in projectile puking from my college fraternity parties.


After I composed myself and between dry heaves, I wiped the greasy chicken parts off of my shoe and pant leg. I drenched myself with Febreeze from in my car and started looking for the gifts and my briefcase strewn about. Questions ran through my mind. Who in their right mind would be walking through the parking deck openly eating a fried chicken breast in December!?  I could see a chicken wing or leg ... but a breast???  Secondly, if you were full and decided, "Hey I don't want anymore of this chicken breast," why didn't you just throw it out in the trash can 15 feet away by the stairs!?  ARGH!!!  And to make matters worse, my coworker ... I will call her Andrea, was another two cars up the ramp in her new pristine shiny car (yes I'm jealous) and just must have seen the entire incident! She didn't even ask me if I was OK and I know she knew I was there! She pulled her car out and gave me a little honk, a little wave, and a little smile as she passed. I gave her an incredulous look that said REALLY? She may get a case file upside the head next time she asks me a question.

I finally recovered all of my belongings, climbed into the car, and was on my way still reeking of fried chicken. With such an auspicious beginning, my holiday season could only go up. In retrospect, after that I truly had a wonderful two weeks and it was actually the best in a couple years. But let's just say I have sworn off fried chicken until next Christmas.