Need Your Approval? Keep Walking...

WORK IN PROGRESS
In the course of this past week, I discovered that someone had dropped me on Facebook. Bwahahaha. What? Moi?? LOL Whatever dude. It happens and it's no big deal. My crazy frazzled life (and subsequent retelling of it in every detail) is not everyone's cup of tea. I totally get it.

What gave me pause and a momentary sense of insecurity was that I was actually pretty close to this guy back in my college years. I thought to myself, "What did I do?" And then I quickly got over it with a chuckle. You do that when you hit your 40's. Thankfully stuff doesn't bother you like it used to. You realize there are FAR MORE important things to deal with than someone not being friends with you or acquaintances or whatever the fuck that you may call them on Facebook these days.

To that dude that dropped me:  I say good-bye, sayonara, adios, auf Wiedersehen, arrivederci, au revoir BUTTHEAD.

I was intrigued though on why I felt that momentary sense of insecurity. I guess my years of psychology classes at Rutgers still have me questioning my undoubtedly questionable mental capabilities (or is it stability?). I mean I still get insecure, I've admitted that often enough. (See blogpost earlier this month for how neurotic I can get, LOL.) I got no problem with my neuroses. If you do, obviously your issue.

But what was it about this friend in that discovering that I was unceremoniously dropped, gave me an unsettling pause? I thought about our past friendship and then realized through introspection that I had ALWAYS been trying to prove myself to this guy. I had been seeking his approval since I met him. As embarrassing as it is to admit now, I had more or less been trying to get him to like me since day one. He did during college I am sure, but I never truly felt part of that "in crowd" with him. I always knew that in the back of my mind, and hence, kept trying to seek his approval. (HURL)

Well, I can tell you ... no more! His approval when I got it, didn't help me one bit. You what helped me? MYSELF. I seemed at some point in this fascinating period called adulthood, to transcend that place where I needed the approval of people like that. It is an amazing, wonderful feeling. So when I found I had been dropped, that unsettling pause gave way to a bit of chuckling, then laughter. 

Life's lessons. Hmmm. You really give a sigh of relief when you have one.  I get it now. And now I am onto the next neurosis ... #workinprogress

Comments

  1. David BryanOctober 27, 2015 at 11:47 PM

    Good lesson to learn and it is never too late to learn it. Got to please yourself fist and if other don't care for you/us... our authentic selves F em! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marc Haynes is Focused at Fifty! October 27, 2015 at 11:52 PM

    Thanks so much Dave. I really appreciate it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousOctober 28, 2015 at 7:48 AM

    Little Hunk.... you are your own person. You don't need the approval or disapproval for ANYTHING. You are a rational (mostly ) adult ( most often) and a responsible person (quite often) who can be brilliant, witty and can charm the socks off of anybody you choose to.You don't need the THOUGHT POLICE to stamp APPROVED on you or your life. In short, FUCK 'EM. JR

    ReplyDelete
  4. Chuck BudaOctober 28, 2015 at 8:53 AM

    It is funny how we inherently desire everyone to like us, we need it. It used to bother me too. Then I turned 45 and looked at the calendar, realizing I am probably beyond half way through this existence. And time is too short to worry about what others think of me. So now I am free to live, love me or hate me. You have done well to realize this. Now I am going to go back and re-friend you before you notice (haha)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marc Haynes is Focused at Fifty! October 28, 2015 at 12:52 PM

      hahaha, you still crack me up. :) i appreciate your words of support and encouragement my friend.

      Delete
  5. Skip NeelOctober 28, 2015 at 10:01 AM

    Marc, I know you've never liked me, just because I'm your Sister-in-law's Father (just kidding Marc). Just remember the only one you really need to please is the one who looks back at you in the mirror every morning. Glad your getting a handle on yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownOctober 28, 2015 at 10:41 AM

    This is a great blog Marc. I had this happen to me recently. It is something so trivial but it plagues me, I need the constant approval of others. At least I know I'm not alone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marc Haynes is Focused at Fifty! October 28, 2015 at 12:50 PM

      Yeah, it is definitely not easy and can be disheartening. We always have to remind ourselves we are as important as others and do not need others approval!

      Delete
  7. UnknownOctober 29, 2015 at 10:51 AM

    Hi Marc, I always enjoy your blogs. You just need to approve of yourself and the "man upstairs". At age 70 I am still working on it. It is always a work in progress. By the way, you once said to me "friend me on FB" so I sent a request. Guess what, you didn't accept it. Should I be worried?????? lol. Love you to bits. Morag

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marc Haynes is Focused at Fifty! October 29, 2015 at 12:50 PM

      Hi Morag, I never received the request and have tried to friend request you but have been unable! :) I think we are both Facebook "challenged"! LOL See you soon! :)

      Delete

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