I Lost the Starbucks Name Game

BART

So a while back, I went to a Starbucks at the tail end of a head cold, just wanting some good coffee. I placed my order and the barista asked my name. I said Marc and in her cheerfully effervescent voice, she exclaimed my drink would be right up and to pick up my coffee at the end of the counter. I went down to that area and waited.

I picked up my coffee and on my cup was written "Bark."  YUP, as in tree BARK. Like someone would be named BARK?? Wouldn't you even question it??? Like, "Sir, did I hear you correctly, is your name Bark?"  I mean i know I had a very stuffed nose and my "M'"s sounded like "B'"s but geesh! Way to give a guy a complex!!

I guess I should be happy she got the "K" on the end, even though it's actually a "C". Another Starbucks, another coffee and on my cup was written "Bart."  There is NO "T" in my name!!! UGH!

BERT

Fast forward to a week ago and I got coffee on my break with my coworker Lauren at a different Starbucks and the barista asked me my name. I decided to switch it up. Two could play at this game. I blurted out "BERT!" to Lauren's surprise. She stifled her laughter as much as possible. The Starbucks employee dutifully wrote Bert onto my plastic cup and told me I could pick up my coffee at the end of the counter. She really could've cared less. LOL

Lauren and I then talked (at oddly great length I may add) on ridiculous names we could tell the Starbucks employees. I forget who suggested Horace, but I really liked that one. Lauren came up with and swore by Brattery. Then we discussed if our parents created one name out of two names. Katherine Angela could be Kalangela. I wanted to pretend my parents combined Stephen and Michael and called me Steakel. Marc plus Nathaniel could be Marthaniel.

Yes, this is what domestics officers do in their spare time….

Jake from State Farm

So today, I found myself alone on break and decided to wander over to Starbucks for a large ice coffee. I was waiting in line thinking of names and realized I always liked the name Jake. I could be Jake…THE Jake from the 90's prime time soap opera "Melrose Place", the tough guy! So the barista called me up, I gave my order, and for that moment …. I was Jake. I said it proudly! I felt like a Jake, all tough and handsome. She stared at me and told me to pick up my coffee at the end of the counter. And how sad, I might add that I did this ... alone. LOL

I waited for my coffee and another barista happily called my fake name … "Jake? JAKE!" 

"Right here," I said in a masculine tough voice, "Thank you." As I took my coffee, she looked at me and said cheerfully, "Jake, like in the State Farm commercial? The guy with the khakis?"

I was crushed, crumbled, devastated, my balloon was popped! "NO," I flatly retorted. "Jake," I muttered under my breath as I walked away, "from fucking Melrose Place."

So instead, I was thoroughly defeated and yet I still proudly remain, Marc, Frazzled at Forty.