August Thoughts on COVID Weight Gain

"Tailored Fit? Not for us mmmLarges!"

It has been a crazy several months, hasn't it? As I stated last month, I have gone through my share of ups and downs. After discussing it with people, I realize that a lot of us are in the same place. We feel like we are in a low point in their lives. How are we dealing with it? How can we can out of it? Commiseration definitely helps. So does some humor. 

First things first, I am looking at a website and wanted more info emailed to me. To prove you are not a robot, you have to go through a security test of picking those pictures with cars, boats, stop signs, traffic lists etc. Know these? Yeah, it seems pretty easy but NOT.

Am I the online one with has trouble with this stupid test? I see something sticking out from the boat and think, should I include that? Is it going into another picture block? In fact is that EVEN a boat? After further observation, I conclude that it is in fact NOT a boat and is a car carrier loaded with 4-door sedans. UGH.

OK back to the meat of the blog. Lemme take a sip of the voddy tonic as I type. Yes I am back to vodka tonics (diet tonic, flavored seltzer, flavored water), or vodka with anything that has no calories. Why? Because I look down at ma belly and it jiggles!!!! 

I feel like I am in one of those 80s/90s TV sitcoms where the pregnant star hides her belly behind couches, chairs, or large purses. For me, it has become my lunch bag, messenger bag and a pile of office files. Oh, yeah, the recycling bin works well too. I am now constantly recycling in the office, taking papers to the shredding bin ALL the time.

As many of you have seen, I am back to the gym but alas, it is not as easy to lose the weight this time around. That 50 birthday crossover really did a number on my metabolism. 

I am happy to report that my endurance is back, I can once again walk up the three flights to the office without being out of breath. I'll keep it up at the gym but don't expect me to hit the 150 pound range any time soon! I'm hoping to get that summer body some time mid October.

I realized I had gained weight when my work shirts started feeling like I was a human sausage caught in tight casing. Let's just say my buttons were a burstin! I shopped for some ... ahem ... larger work shirts to get me through the period but the large was too large and the mediums brought me back to sausage status.

I looked high and low for the rarely seen mythical half size, the mmmLarge, but could not find it. Maybe if I could only find a European large which are notoriously smaller than their counterpart American sizes. Unfortunately Kohls seems to only sell that damn Mark Antony line which no one buys. Instead I settled on some larger work shirts. I had an encounter with a coworker later that week which went something like this...

Coworker: "Hi! I like your shirt. Is it new?"

Me: "Why yes, it is! Hey, are you looking at my belly? I saw your eyes glance downwards. I need something to cover my gut. I know it's huge, I've gained all this COVID weight. I've been eating nonstop. I'm working out again, did I tell you that before? Oh yeah, you saw it online. I know I post it for accountability. Well I'm heavier, OK there I said it. I've never been this heavy. I'm working on it OK? Don't judge me, we've all gained the weight. I'm calling myself husky now. I think that sounds attractive, right? My face is still thin though, OK?? It may be the beer, I think it's the home-made food. I brought tuna, carrots and yogurt for lunch today. I'm drinking enough water to pee every 10 minutes! Why are you looking scared right now? I'm not going to attack you. I'm just justifying my belly. I just need to wear large sizes now until the weight comes off! I'm starving, lemme know if you wanna go for a breakfast sandwich later..."

Coworker: (real quietly backing away) "Um, I just like the pattern of your shirt."

😮

Stay safe! Wear masks. Stay in your comfort zone. Do what is acceptable FOR YOU but DON'T JUDGE people like me who continue to wear mask for MY SAFETY. Love ya guys! Till next time...