Focused at Fifty

The funny thing about mourning someone’s death is that it strikes you at the weirdest and most inopportune times. Some times are appropriate. I have trouble dealing with holidays and family birthdays. Of course, the death I am referring to is my mother’s, April 10, 2009. She was just a couple months shy of her 67th birthday. She died on Good Friday that year. So now every year, I will actually mourn her death on two days: April 10th and whatever day Good Friday occurs on. My mother always loved the spotlight, so now she gets two official days for me to mourn her (insert awkward reader laugh here). I mourn on those above dates as well as Mom’s birthday. I mourn on my brother’s, sister’s, and my birthday because my Mom should be here. I think about her on my Nana’s and Grandpop’s Yahrzeit (the Jewish anniversary of death). I wonder if they are together again celebrating their reunion in Heaven. I mourn Mother’s Day and each holiday that my mother is not with us. Thanksgiving is particu...

It’s been awhile since I have written my blog. There have been various reasons, but nothing that I feel or need to get into right now. So without further adieu, let me get started. I worked hard this weekend preparing the yard and deck for the coming winter. I forgot how much yard bric-a-brac that I had accumulated this year. My main goal was to get all of the shells, candles, flags, and lawn ornaments put away. My shell collection from childhood is pretty extensive. Most of it is tucked away in the attic, but I keep the large conchs and whelks out on the deck to remind me of my love for the sea and beach. Each one of these is carefully wrapped up at the end of the fall so that I may bring them out and enjoy them again the coming spring. I noticed this year they are really bleaching white from the years in the sun. Candles and lanterns were next. Carefully wrapping everything in newspaper or bubble wrap, I filled about 4 milk crates with all of my yard and deck "stuff." T...

So it has been just over a month since my last blog. I took some time off to do just putz around for month of August. I worked on the yard, the house, saw relatives, and have tried to re energize for the coming fall. Well, I kind of feel like that didn't work. I have developed a blasted pinched nerve for the last 3 weeks. Time to see a doctor for this I guess. I just haven't been sleeping well because of it. When I wake up at 3 am, I turn in bed and am in pain from it. Motrin dulls the pain during the day, enough so that I can work. When I come home, I am just exhausted from this constant pain. So what am I waiting for??? I don't know. I am possibly afraid it might be more. Time to suck it up and take care of it. August also saw a family reunion which was to be for my Mom's anniversary of her memorial service. Family came in, unfortunately not as much family as we would have liked but people's excuses were valid and warranted. No problem there. Travel is expensive...

1. A flock of one million red wing black birds in early spring, turning on a dime, showing their "red wings" all at once! 2. A sunset in Berks Cty that looked like a Maxfield Parrish painted sky. It was so beautiful it took  my breath away. 3. The birth of a beluga whale. 4. The birth of an elephant. 5. Watching a mother wren teach her 4 babies how to eat from a bird feeder. 6. A baby deer running across our field in Oley to come investigate me. She came within 10 feet until I heard her mother grunt to her and call her back. She ran back to Mom! 7. Saving a birdhouse of baby barn swallows which had fallen down, and I carefully put it back up on the pole. Momma bird came back and took care of them! 8. Six or Seven years old, Dad showing us a nest of baby bunny rabbits in the back yard. 9. Two otters frolicking and playing in a stream in Pacific Rim National Park in Washington state. 10.  The horseshoe crab migrations and egg laying nights in Fortescue, NJ. 11. Se...

My sister celebrates her birthday this next week. She will be turning ??. (Wink Wink). Let’s just say she is my older sister. Sheryl and I have lived in the Philadelphia area for over 20 years. Through these years, we have become close friends … best friends. And as I think as siblings who are best friends, no one knows me better. She knows me better than most of my closest and oldest friends. We are in constant contact, at least once a day, finding out how the day is going, what’s happening, what’s new and exciting, etc. My brother Adam is just as close with Sheryl and I. It is a rare and wonderful thing that siblings can remain this close as they get older and develop their own lives. And believe me, we do not take this lightly. Our vacations each year invariably involve family. That is how we like it. That is what we have always known and wanted. My parents, Robert and Abby, instilled this strong sense of family in us as we grew up. I think we became that much closer when Mom pa...

I am a week into this "natural" diet and am feeling changes which are interesting, uncomfortable, but ultimately satisfying. The first couple days have been a little uncomfortable. I have suffered from mild carb and refined sugar withdrawal.  Just some headaches, belly aches, hunger pangs, and tiredness. But after a week on this diet, I have more energy finally, am eating less, eating better, and actually enjoying new and different food combinations. The drawbacks are that I have to spend more time preparing foods. It takes time getting used to not having the variety of processed food items. I am learning to enjoy fruit more though. Just the juiciness and sweetness of it is so satisfying. And happily, I am starting to loose weight! A couple pounds here and there. But I have to tell you, I am not as sluggish, feel less bloated, and as I stated before, have more energy! On to the second week!

 

So John and I have started a “natural” diet for 2 weeks. We discussed out eating habits and realized that we were eating too many processed food items, and that old fried “bar menu” was becoming a weekly staple of our diet. Not to mention pizza night and Chinese food night. Sure you can have healthy pizza and healthy Chinese food (the vegetarian “Buddha” delight comes to mind) but who wants to do that when all you want is a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese or General Tsao’s Chicken! This diet is based on an all natural food diet by Todd Soura, the owner of the Doylestown based Action Personal Training. I found it in the 2010 late spring edition of  Bucks Magazine.  The corresponding print article comes with the subtitle “ What life would be like if we removed the assembly line from the grocery store .” He is quoted the following from the article:  “This is my 10-day Non-processed Food Plan. The basic aim: cleanse the system of refined sugars, flour, bread, and artifici...

I actually enjoyed waking up his morning at about 5:30 am. The birds always seem to sing the loudest and are most energetic at dawn. I fell back asleep after about 15 minutes of listening to them.

How do we perceive others around us? We often look at others and knowingly or unknowingly judge them with regards to what they are wearing. Why do we do this? Is it correct? Are we being unfair? While I was sitting at the airport bar waiting for my flight to San Diego, I spied a 60-something woman with what I thought were the most garish earrings. Another man was wearing a shirt which looked like he wrapped himself in the American flag. One other elderly man looked like he woke up that morning and thought, “You know what? Today is a great day to wear denim from head to toe!” Lastly, I looked upon a woman with two daughters who were dressed rather conservatively. She, on the other hand was dressed like someone spray painted spandex clothing on every inch of her frame and then she felt that a pair of Lucite heels would be the best way to top off that outfit! How and why do people choose what they wear? A great many of us are influenced by fashion. This influence comes from TV, movies, ...

It marvels me at what lives in my yard and garden. Being on the edge of the woods, I do get a greater variety of animals, birds, and insects, but it really brings out the science geek in me every time I garden. I trimming back chives the other evening and disturbed a small nest of little white spiders. They weren't mites, but actual spiders. I also came across several nesting sets of earwigs in my flower beds, specifically in the hyacinths. They weren't in the chives or the daffodils. I guess the rent was too expensive. Very interesting. I am a true believer of "God's creatures" so I do not try and disturb as I go along. By the way, I am a bit hypocritical as I still will kill cockroaches, mosquitoes, and the random wasp which singles me out for the kill.  Note to myself, I really must clean my gardening gloves. They still smell of chives four days later. The odor, not that unpleasant, lends it self to a garlicky onion aroma but is hard to get off of me onc...

Well I am 40! I survived the evening and guess what? I am at peace and feel good. I have a sense of serenity about it all. It's all good.

Yes, I am buzzed. But ... not too buzzed to notice that I am on the edge of a new era/time in my life. I am TURNING 40!!!! I figured I could accept it philosophically or drunk. Well I am accepting it philosophically AND drunk. Do you know what made my day??? I have a robin's nest with babies right by my front door. That is just so cool. My life is becoming exactly what I want it to. I love my home and my garden. My rose bush is BLOOMING! I am so excited I didn't kill it! LOL. I have a great garden. The house is coming along! I am realizing that the key to succeeding in life is to decide on your dreams and THEN MAKE THEM HAPPEN. I want to be a writer and I am succeeding. I am effing writing my effing blog! LOVE IT. Even if two people read it, the difference is that I am writing it for myself. BUT .... I would love you to read it too! :) The cats are great. Max is a healthy bruiser. Miss little Moxie is not so little. She is on a diet, but we have lost a pound and are on our ...

I started my first job at age 15 at Wenonah Elementary School as a custodial assistant. Yes, I worked as a janitor for one summer and one summer only! I can't believe I would even admit to it now after such disastrous results, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I worked with one of my close friends that summer, Mike. He had actually gotten me the job. We were to help clean the school during summer recess:  painting fences and walls, scraping desks, fixing ceilings, mowing the lawn, polishing floors, well, you get the idea. We worked for a crusty old curmudgeon of a custodian named Mr. Brown. He was miserable, smelled like sweat, turpentine, and cigars, but was kind of nice when he let his " grumbly " guard down. He was constantly on us because the school council and administration were constantly on him about his "schedule" to get things done before the fall. Mike and I worked hard that summer, sweating everyday doing manual labor. ...

OK, so a good friend told me to not forget to blog! She is right. Thank you Kitty!!!  Tonight is not so much a specific anecdote but a rambling of thoughts. So forgive me if they seem unconnected. I will try my best to make sense of it all. I had a BAD day at work today, simple as that. I am also feeling a little exhausted at home trying to keep up with the garden, cleaning house, my career efforts, normal job stress, and the antique 'side' business. Not to mention my writing, my decorating, my ongoing OCD organizing efforts. Feel sorry for me BOO HOO.  OK so I am stressed about alot .... but .... in the grand scheme of things, it is not so much a big deal. I have a great home, a growing garden, a stable job in an other wise struggling economy, two great cats, an fabulous antique collection, great friends, and of course, the best thing that ever happened to me (you know who you are!!!). I think what I am needing is some simplicity in my life. I think it means the purging...

A friend and I talked today about where we are in our lives. She stated she is very disenchanted about the direction her life has gone. She saw “greater things” in her future and is disappointed that her life hasn’t gone in that direction. One could say to her, “Well you made your own bed” or “Life is what YOU make of it”, but let’s look at this for a minute. We all feel this way from time to time. You have great plans coming out of high school or college and then shit happens and life doesn’t go exactly as planned. I personally thought I would be a doctor or lawyer, living in some fabulous apartment in a major city, driving a sports car, and taking exotic vacations every year. Well, that didn’t happen, but I am for the most part, very happy and satisfied. Sure I would have like to have my dream job, a different career as a full time writer, but reality hits you. Once you work your way up in a certain job and start making decent money, it ...

Just two weeks ago was the 4th anniversary of the death of a close family friend, Marianna. All of her friends called her Tia, and although she was forty years older than us, she encouraged my brother, sister, and I to call her this as well. For Tia, friendship had no age requirement, and she counted us among her closest of friends. Tia was an incredibly artistic, romantic woman. She lived her life surrounded by fine arts, music, and the theater.  I count her as a great influence in how I look at life, art, and culture. Tia was my father’s student about 50 years ago. Through the years, they developed a close friendship and were confidants during difficult parts of each other’s lives. Tia was very fond of us kids, and we were of her. She reminded me of an incredibly cultured, slightly eccentric and befuddled, zaftig Auntie Mame. Maybe with not the energy, but definitely with the artistic exuberance. She became an arts educator and in her spare time, wrote poetry, collected and c...

Summer Breeze With summer approaching, I have had time to reflect upon some of my favorite memories and anecdotes. I have very fond memories of my summers in the late 70's and early 80's. There is a song by Seals and Croft that goes "Summer breeze, makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine on my mind." That sums up my summers as a kid. The late 70's were a time of grooviness , leisure, disco rhythms, Farrah hair cuts, and the general freedom of a feel good culture. After all, it was called "The Me Decade". For me, it was Elton John, the Bee Gees, disco, soft rock, and 70's folk music playing over head on the loud speakers at the local pool. It's funny how you associate music with a particular time in your life. I would fall asleep in the warm summer sun at the swim club for hours, dreaming 70's psychedelic mind trips, awakening to the screams of my mother to put on more Coppertone! The Wenonah Swim Club was the place to go in my tow...

OK, so the deal is, we turn 40 and have a mid-life crisis. Well, some of us do. I think it is written somewhere that this is supposed to happen. Some talk show clued me in on it. Thanks alot Oprah. I am freaking out because I can't figure out what I want my mid-life crisis to be! I know alot of you are saying, "It picks you!" but seriously, don't I get a say? Whether or not I have one, I invite you all to join me in a rollercoaster ride of going through the following questions: Who am I? Where did I come from? and Where am I going? Hopefully it won't sound as pathetic as it did as I typed it. Feel free to comment. I promise I won't delete what you write (yeah right, whatever). Remember, this is my pending mid-life crisis and I will freak out and be frazzled if I want to!