Somber August Moods
So it has been just over a month since my last blog. I took some time off to do just putz around for month of August. I worked on the yard, the house, saw relatives, and have tried to re energize for the coming fall. Well, I kind of feel like that didn't work. I have developed a blasted pinched nerve for the last 3 weeks. Time to see a doctor for this I guess. I just haven't been sleeping well because of it. When I wake up at 3 am, I turn in bed and am in pain from it. Motrin dulls the pain during the day, enough so that I can work. When I come home, I am just exhausted from this constant pain. So what am I waiting for??? I don't know. I am possibly afraid it might be more. Time to suck it up and take care of it.
August also saw a family reunion which was to be for my Mom's anniversary of her memorial service. Family came in, unfortunately not as much family as we would have liked but people's excuses were valid and warranted. No problem there. Travel is expensive and although I missed seeing my brother in particular, I completely understood. I was very happy to see my cousins from the West coast as well as my step sister Kim, her husband Rick, and my grand nephew Devin. I did alot of sightseeing and even went into my first coal mine touring the Ashland Coal Mine in Schuylkill County. That was pretty cool. Unfortunately, the reunion was bittersweet with Mom's memory seemingly getting lost in the mix during one particular night. I said my feelings on it so it is for the most part, done. Unfortunately, her birthday that followed on this past Tuesday left me extremely depressed. I am kind of in this mood still. It just doesn't get easier. You have good days and then REALLY BAD days. I was speaking with John the other day and he remarked how he was just still in shock over Mom's death. It still seems surreal to both of us. I have become a hoarder of anything of my Mom's. From the cheapest makeup bag to an antique dresser bottle, both items have the same worth to me since Mom owned them. It is funny that missing someone that much can make you various items. You feel like you have such a connection to them.
This evening I am listening to some great club music. No real connection to my Mom, except she did LOVE ABBA and disco. Ha ha. Music puts me in a better mood. I remember Mom playing her ABBA records on the record player in our dining room when I was about 6 or 7. She also loved jazz, Judy Collins, Wings with Paul McCartney, and various disco and soft rock from the 70's. She loved music as I do today. Whatever put her in a good mood she would listen to. Now, certain music gives me that connection to her as well. I listen to what she listened to, and I feel like she is beside me.
Alright, that's enough for now. Time to take something to try and settle this pinched nerve and I promise to call that doctor tomorrow!
August also saw a family reunion which was to be for my Mom's anniversary of her memorial service. Family came in, unfortunately not as much family as we would have liked but people's excuses were valid and warranted. No problem there. Travel is expensive and although I missed seeing my brother in particular, I completely understood. I was very happy to see my cousins from the West coast as well as my step sister Kim, her husband Rick, and my grand nephew Devin. I did alot of sightseeing and even went into my first coal mine touring the Ashland Coal Mine in Schuylkill County. That was pretty cool. Unfortunately, the reunion was bittersweet with Mom's memory seemingly getting lost in the mix during one particular night. I said my feelings on it so it is for the most part, done. Unfortunately, her birthday that followed on this past Tuesday left me extremely depressed. I am kind of in this mood still. It just doesn't get easier. You have good days and then REALLY BAD days. I was speaking with John the other day and he remarked how he was just still in shock over Mom's death. It still seems surreal to both of us. I have become a hoarder of anything of my Mom's. From the cheapest makeup bag to an antique dresser bottle, both items have the same worth to me since Mom owned them. It is funny that missing someone that much can make you various items. You feel like you have such a connection to them.
This evening I am listening to some great club music. No real connection to my Mom, except she did LOVE ABBA and disco. Ha ha. Music puts me in a better mood. I remember Mom playing her ABBA records on the record player in our dining room when I was about 6 or 7. She also loved jazz, Judy Collins, Wings with Paul McCartney, and various disco and soft rock from the 70's. She loved music as I do today. Whatever put her in a good mood she would listen to. Now, certain music gives me that connection to her as well. I listen to what she listened to, and I feel like she is beside me.
Alright, that's enough for now. Time to take something to try and settle this pinched nerve and I promise to call that doctor tomorrow!
Marc, dear - I am working on 15 years now without my Mom. After reading your thoughts, I thought I'd share some of mine. The bad news is, it'll never get easier. The good news is, it does become "different," in that you start reflecting on good times, and they comfort you. Keep doing what you need to stay connected to her memory and to feel happy about the time you shared with her. Just remember to cherish the "here and now." That was the best advice I got, and I still try to remember it today. Know that I'm thinking of you. Bette
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