Resolutions I Will NOT Keep

Possible New Year's Resolutions...

Over the years resolutions have come to annoy me. People (including myself) write a list of things that they want to accomplish or complete in the following year. Some superficial (lose 25 pounds, buy that car), some pretty deep (be a better parent, child, etc). Some silly (eat less chocolate), some kinda serious (keep in touch with family). 

I would diligently write my list, placing it in the interior cover of my yearly planner and then forget about it until the end of the year. I found that some resolutions I would do without even checking the list, like going through old clothes on a rainy day. Many would ultimately just be transferred over to the next year's list.

The only ones I really kept were practicing a healthier lifestyle, working out, and petting the cats more. The others, like learn a new language, completing the yard work, learn to like children etc, seemed to not happen year after year.

It occurred to me that those several resolutions which I would continuously transfer from year to year would never happen! I have decided to be proactive and instead finally remove them from the master list. Therefore, I never have to suffer through the guilt of seeing them at the end of year, staring at me, mocking me, laughing at me, sitting there uncrossed off! Yes, I have a lot of time on my hands.

Resolutions I am NEVER going to add to my list EVER AGAIN:

1. Become more flexible: Come on now. I am WAY too set in my ways at this point. Thank G-d for my 40s. Deal with it.

2. Organize my CD collection: Yeah, I'll do that right after I alphabetize my cassettes.

3. Plant something in the far flower beds of the yard: If something grows over there it's either a weed or some bird crapped out a seed.

4. Organize books and photos:  See #2.

5. Stop having half of the conversation in my head before I speak: Listen people, I start speaking often in mid-thought. YOU need to just figure it out and catch up. 😊

6. Spackle and paint the laundry room wall: I've come to like the drywall look anyway.

7. Stop eating in car:  Today I had buffalo scrapple with BBQ sauce. I also once ate a bowl of soup while driving down the highway. Don't worry, the soup had cooled off by that point and I didn't burn myself. Luckily the cop who pulled me over just gave me a warning.

8. Cut back on caffeine: I will say to you what I said to my doctor. "Caffeine should be the least of my problems! Do you know what the $@*&# that I used to do in my 20s?!  No seriously, because I don't remember ..."

9. Stop worrying:  Won't happen LOL. It's a trait I was proudly born with. Talk to my sister. We got it from our Mother who got it from our Nana.

10. Lowering my voice: HELLO??? It's MARC!!!! My ears are always clogged up due to my never-ending allergies. Excuse given, move on.

11. Like children: There is an exception. I do like children when they are three houses down from me.

12, Learn a language:  I know a little Yiddish, a little Spanish, and a whole lotta of bullshit.