The 49th Year

"Chippy"

As I approach my 50th birthday during the Co-vid pandemic, my thoughts turn to how I have changed during this time. There are obvious changes such as my gut. LOL And then subtler changes such as an appreciation for the annual greening of the landscape during the Spring. 

Some things are rather blunt such as: 

I have enjoyed not seeing certain people.
I absolutely miss seeing a lot of people I am close friends with. 
I have enjoyed not having to hunt for my work ID.
I have enjoyed not having to commute an hour each way.
My 50th birthday is not what I thought it would be. LOL 
I am extremely lucky and there are so many people who have it waaay more difficult than I. 
I found out that Nala is a favorite dog name and it comes from the movie the Lion King. At least three friends have dogs named Nala and I still have yet to see the movie. LOL 
Did I mention the beer belly? 

I have realized that the idea of "celebrity, rich and famous" is pathetic and those of us (me included up until now) that have invested any amount of time in them, the culture and their lifestyle, will never be fulfilled. Keep the idea of celebrity and gossip at an arm's length. A little bit can be fun but don't fall down that rabbit hole. It is meaningless and there is no value to it. 

Others have snuck up on me: 

I am more in tune with my cats than ever before. I now realize they rule the roost.
I am calmer, more serene. More in tune with the present. 
I find myself actively detached from my phone and that has reduced anxiety.
Not every friend is a good or meaningful friend. 

The yard work and springtime have really relaxed me. I am enjoyed planting herbs, flowers, and bushes this year. I LOVE following the lives of our two chipmunks in the yard! (Chippy and Dale of course.)  It all has been very therapeutic. So much so that I don't see myself going back to therapy,

Therapy was an incredible experience and I will miss seeing the colorful cast of characters in the waiting room that I saw every Monday evening. I will refrain from mentioning each individually as it could open me up to potential lawsuits from the ASPCA, disability, physically challenged, and children's rights group. Let's just say they all seemed VERY angry. 

I am living a better version of my life. The only thing missing is seeing my family. I cannot believe I haven't seen my sister in Philly for three months! That will change though in June though.THANK GOD. :) 

Back to living a better version, I have focused on myself, my household and the Big Ragu. I have focused on keeping up and reconnecting with those I am close with from my past: Philly, Ritz-Carlton, high school, college and fraternity included! I have reached out to many of you via the written word and have been overjoyed and getting the written response back. Although the messages and texts have also been fun!

Life still goes on. Death still goes on. It has been a three month adjustment in the human experience seeing children born, people ill, and tragically people succumbing to death whether expected or not. Some even from this insipid virus. Truly heartbreaking for friends and family. Our mourning rites and rituals have even been affected during an already difficult time.

I am drawn to people for their kindness, their humbleness and their humanity. Some of you ground me. You know who you are. I appreciate that. Sometimes I need to be smacked aka Cher "SNAP OUT OF IT!". You are there to do that to me. We all need someone to do that for us but also to listen to us. Just make sure you are a good listener in return. Give and take. That's what a good friendship is all about. Sidebar: If someone is not doing the give and take, re-evaluate that friendship! 

Although I am a heavier version of myself (LOL!) BUT I am a cleaner version. No take out, no fried foods, no Chinese food. The Big Ragu and I have been eating at home diligently making our meals. Now I am NOT a health food nut. I have had the occasional pizza. I am definitely enjoying my beer and have recently discovered vanilla bourbon brown sugar ice cream and OMG! :) I also am still weak for TACOS (Yo Chris).

My 49th year has been one of so many ups and downs. I had hoped the 2020 half of it would be better but it just got CRAZIER! It's all good though. I survived Lyme disease and was treated for it with luckily minimal effects. I discovered I didn't need therapy anymore (never say never) and got my anger issues understood and delt with. I realized I cannot do shot after shot after shot anymore. I'm not 21, 31, or 41. My drinking needs to be in moderation. IN FACT, everything in moderation! It is awesome having THAT friend being an accountability partner! Try it! 

My body has more aches and pains but I commiserate with people my own age. I have found I can look better through healthy eating and lifestyle but some of those damn anti wrinkle creams really work wonders on those crows-feet! LOL 

I have also realized that there is nothing as important as family. The Big Ragu will continue to be my rock of Gibralter and my Hercules. Closest friends are not a dime a dozen. I have discovered there can be more than one bestie but if I ever call you a bestie, it is well-deserved! That means we have probably spent HOURS talking and your rolling your eyes at me. :) 

Thank you to everyone who has blessed me with their presence, conversation, and thoughts during this tumultuous year. We have helped each other get through emotions and anxieties warranted and unwarranted. Thanks for helping me keep a level head. I hope I have helped others too. 

And to those who slighted me online or in person ... WHO ARE YOU? Yeah, you mean nothing to me and my worth so why would I ever concern myself with your trivial comments? Baby, my twenties grew me a motherf*cking thick skin. Go ahead and try it. ;) 

I hope I have made some of you laugh with my writing, posts and pictures. I like to think I am here for that as well as for thought and perspective. I am human with all my faults and foibles. I own them and relish in them! We all should. I am damn proud to be that 50 years old geek (in 1 wk, LOL). The world would be a much more fun place to live in if we weren't all opinionated and polarized all the time.