The Third Act: Refocus

"Baxter State Park, Maine"

What shall be my third act? Or what shall it become? Sure, one can guide one's life, but you never truly know what will happen. I had so many plans 3 plus decades ago. Most of which never came to fruition.

One may think it's frivolous and a waste of time to try and figure out what I am going to do for the next 2-3 decades but you can still guide your life in a direction which brings you love, good friendship, integrity, respect and satisfaction.  You all know me, I'm just being my normal perhaps overly reflective self. 😏

My first act was childhood, school and my 20s. I lived my second act through my 30s and 40s. The third act will hopefully include Maine and making plans with the Big Ragu for the next two decades. Who knows after that? I do know that I want to become empowered with the decades that I have left. 

Forgive me for the overtones of one's mortality. You notice I have not called it my FINAL act. And there may perhaps be a fourth act! That would undoubtedly involve me either #1. driving a senior home staff crazy with my antics, or #2. leading the walker conga line as it weaves its way through my senior home activity center, or #3. retirement up in the North putzing around a big old rambling house filled with antiques, cats and bric-a-brac.

Back when I was in college, I thought I'd be looking towards a career in international relations or psychology (depending on the semester), and living in Philly or NYC. Well as we all know, things don't always go as planned. I did get the psych degree, lived in Philly and used to visit NYC quite often so at least that happened! The career however, took a couple of different paths.

It's ok though. You shouldn't dwell too much on what didn't happen. One needs to realize there are so many variables involved that more than likely, you are not gonna end up where you thought you would. You just need to be satisfied that you lived life to the fullest, having great experiences, and making wonderful memories, of which so far I've had my fill. 

There will always be some disappointment and regret. There is also a sense of sadness as to how fast it has all gone so far. 50 years if seems in the blink of an eye. But this is not an essay to recount those regrets or be sad. I still have great decades left in me. 

There is a famous Peggy Lee song, "Is that all there is?" I've thought about it but don't ever want to be asking that question of my life. I want my life to be fulfilled. It doesn't need to be a James Bon movie, or grandiose, or that of a world adventurer. I want to be able to say, "I did what I wanted, took risks, and lived life to the fullest."

I think I did pretty well the first 50 years. Mom and Dad got me to 18. Upon my college graduation, Mom ordered me, "Now don't fuck it up Marco!" Well, I made it to 50 even after my rollercoaster 20's. There are so many times as I look back at that decade and think I should not be here. I took chances I now cringe at. And I have lost so many friends who took the same chances and did not survive. Because of that, I have always found myself incredibly lucky and blessed. 

I'm not the world famous writer. I'm not the Adonis. And I'm OK with that. I can look at my life so far and say that I am happy and satisfied with my legacy, what I've done, and whom I've interacted with. There is so much more to those youthful fantasies or dare I say delusions of being popular, attractive, famous, wealthy, etc. 

There is so much more to life than superficial constructs! Now I often have said that I'd like to look a bit younger again (damn those crows feet) and still have that crazy youthful metabolism (damn that beer belly). But I will tell you one thing, I would not trade the wisdom that I've learned in my 50 years for all the youthful looks in the world. 

My young life and even up through my 40s was so social. My 20s began with an explosion of friends, parties, evenings out in bars and clubs, always downing the first shot, college fraternity beer funnels,  and generally leading the parade of debauchery and other Dionysian activities. As I've aged, I find myself happily taking a step back. And I'm really really fine with that. I no longer feel the need to be the social center. I am finally enjoying a quieter life. 

These days I prefer being on the sidelines, just observing, taking mental notes, watching others have their fun. That doesn't mean I've stopped living and doing things. On the contrary, I am trying more different things now than I ever have. And I am just really loving my 2020 reclusive hermit side. 

I like the solitude and quiet that 2020 has brought to my life. It has given me more clarity. I've learned to enjoy my own company again. Sometimes it comes naturally, sometimes it needs to be relearned. I have once again embraced that inner introvert which was thrust off after high school. you could say I've come full circle. 

I've now circled my wagons and have kept my group of friends smaller. I go for quality friendships rather than quantity. It doesn't mean that others don't have a place in my heart. I am still a very sociable person but it's just how it has become. Partially getting older, partially 2020. One doesn't need to be friends with everyone. 

If friendships are not reciprocal, I move on without hesitation. I also recognize that people change. Those that I was friends with in my 20s, I may now having nothing in common with. The friendship has stagnated and not grown. It doesn't happen overnight, it is a gradual process. There is nothing wrong with that but it is still sad. I still love those certain friends just as much and those great memories will always be there.

I am concentrating on myself, family, close friends and home without apology and regret. Maybe it was the pandemic which speeded up my realization of it. I know it happened quicker than I thought. I really noticed a switch. For my third act and well being, I will focus on those four things. 

Petty arguments and grievances, I walk away from. If you don't like what I stand for and cannot respect my decision for a differing opinion, it's time to move on. Online community disputes, I will not acknowledge. I just don't have the time for any more bullshit. 

Listen, we've come no closer to solving the world's major problems. Each generation is supposed to be the one to save the world. It hasn't happened and may not so that's another reason to live life to the fullest. 

As 2020 has taught us, you just don't know what's around the corner. Friends and family still pass away tragically, some expected and some unexpected. It still really sucks. When are we going to wake up and realize that life is too precious to waste it on frivolous thoughts and activities as well as petty arguments and disagreements?

Refocus on what is important to you! You don't need to turn 50 to figure this out. I have a bestie who is 40 who has lived this mantra continuously. But for those of us who are entering this wonderful third act, now is the time to refocus and life each day to its fullest. 

And wherever my third act takes me, I hope to guide it to include the great state of Maine. But if I end up somewhere else, I'm sure I will be fine with that too. 😎