Focused at Fifty

I climb the mountain until my hands are scraped, bloodied. I wander through the forest until I find a clearing, weary from exhaustion. I get swept out to the dark sea by oppressive waves, My arms outstretched towards the fading light as I sink deeper in the abyss. Do you see how I've grown? Do you see I've suffered along the way? I am afraid of not when the sun sets but when the dawn breaks. The new morning's light may bring me that fearful clarity Which could ultimately destroy our fortress. I wonder when calm will come to the thunder raging inside. My soul yearns for comfort, for serenity, but at what cost ... Thunderclaps shatter the glass around me Piercing me to my core, my shield not yet strong enough. I fear these torrential rains mean the sun won't shine And if I have to, I will sit in these rains alone, waiting for them to end. I will wait for that light to warm my soul once again, That summer light which warms me deep inside. The light wil...

"The Break-up" Blogger's note: Names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals mentioned. Why is it that when a couple breaks up, more often that not mutual friends and family become relationship collateral damage? Obviously, it is in our very nature to side with those we are closest with. This rarely talked about part of the breaking up affects the closest friends and family members. Unfortunately this part of it seems to be a constant and very difficult to overcome. When a break-up occurs, who do you go with?  We as friends and family also suffer. One strives to remain neutral but it can get very awkward dancing the dance between the former couple. It just may not be possible to remain friends with both. You subtly realize who your allegiance is to and to whom your loyalty lies. One tries to remain Switzerland but sometimes it just is not possible. And then suddenly you find that you've chosen or have to choose. If you are striving to remai...

"Farmer's Market, Londonderry, Vermont"  Recently I was walking through an outside city market, enjoying all the sights, sounds and smells of food before me. I love the cacophony and energy of it all. People bustling about, each on their own mission to get what they need. Others simply browsing.  There were individuals like myself just observing and people watching. And the hardworking vendors, all trying to make an honest days work. Vendors of fruit, vegetables, meats, cheese, coffee, bourbon, beer, and food stalls all co-existing as separate businesses and yet depending on each other for support. There were so many people. Market days are always so packed, it doesn't matter what city. It could be Philly or DC, could be LA, could be New York!  I was turning a corner and passed someone who I instantly thought was my recently departed friend Chris. He just passed away in November. Ironically, Chris had been in my thoughts lately. My heart sunk and I stopped...

"Max at Night" Last night around 3 am, I was awoken by a rustling beneath my window. Now I love the Spring as I can now sleep with my windows open but that also invites those outside nighttime sounds in. Whatever it was, it was clicking and scratching beneath the white rhododendron bush. I looked outside, seeing nothing but fog consuming the houses down my street. More digging and clicking which prompted Max the Cat to leap from his cat bed to my bed to the window sill in two large bounds. Max responded by chittering away. All I heard was chittering and clicking for the next couple minutes. I eventually fell asleep again. Time passed, it may have been a couple minutes, or maybe an hour. I stirred awake and noticed Max still sitting on the windowsill staring outside. I whispered to him, knowing he wouldn’t listen, Come to bed Max, stop being such a night owl. He glanced in my direction, acknowledging me, and then went back to his pensive stare out the window. ...

"Mom & the Flamingo, Reunited" I dreamt of Mom last night. I dreamt she had never died but was in a coma for the last 10 plus years. She was still alive, lying peacefully in a fugue slumber in some 50s rancher out in the Midwest. It was decorated in pastels. Outside of Florida, she'd hate this color scheme I thought, surveying the decor. Where were the antiques? Where were the dark woods, colonial blue and grey colors? I then wondered, Why didn't anyone tell us she was here? She had her ageless beauty and I smiled. Her makeup perfect, wearing her favorite gold, I knelt down and kissed her forehead. She then awoke from her decades slumber and smiled back at me. "Hello Marco," she stated in a gravely voice. In a timeless whisper and dream-like haze I was off, searching for the perfect gift to welcome her back to the living. From what must've been her Key West life and influences, I had it driven into my mind that I must find her a flamingo ...

Writing project essay: Her name was Kim H. She was a black haired beauty with dark eyes. Loud and brash, perpetually tanned with a toned body to match. She had the same last name as he. She and M worked together for those many years at Houlihans and they developed a close friendship and bond. They had close deep talks, often fueled by alcohol and drugs. She was definitely manic, possible manic-depressive, although M never saw that side. But she had a temper like hellhound. And that's when M knew to back off! They could've been an obvious couple, should've been, except for one glaring fact known to most which was often laughed about. No matter though, as they'd still often introduce themselves as Mr. and Mrs. H, even fooling old college friends visiting Philly! And then Kim H. died suddenly. She died of a drug overdose. It was a horrible crushingly difficult experience which foreshadowed the beginning of many death's of M's friends during his 20...

Got to Sheryl's in Philly for her annual Passover Seder. She lives up by the Art Museum. Relaxing out on the porch doing paperwork, watching the world go by. I was just thinking how much my Mom just loved this porch & used to so the same thing when she would visit. It was her favorite spot. Being a city girl herself, Mom practically grew up on her front stoop! 😊👍