Flying First Class ... NOPE

"Enjoying a beer flying the friendly skies!"


Airlines promote separation of the classes!

When I fly, I know that the one thing I insist upon is an aisle seat. I used to want the window seat. No longer. You can have it. The pics you will take will come out crummy anyway. TRUST ME. I like the option of getting up for the bathroom without having to climb over people. And as I get older, my poo cycles are VERY important to this 48 year old man.

I don't mind any seat really. Emergency seat, over the wing, front, back, its all good. Well may there is one exception I am experiencing right now. I am in the last row of the plane, with the bathrooms right behind me! i am hearing every high powered vacuumed swoosh of the toilet flushing. Luckily no smells yet 3 hrs into this 6 hour flight.

I am also hearing the gossiping and chatter of the flight attendants. I love it. Nothing really that bad. The one gal says to the male flight attendant, can you please go to 15E, I just can't go again. And he's all like, OK sister, but you owe me for this one! And she said DEAL! LOL

The flight attendants finally started taking beverage orders. I was gonna have a bloody mary with my sis Sheryl but she passed out next to me. (I stayed over her house last night and I think we each got only 4 hours of sleep!) I DID NOTICE that the flight attendants took first class's beverage order before we got off the ground! And THEN, they left their lights on while they darkened the rest of the plane's lights for take off! What are we not light worthy back in the peasant section??? Isn't light a basic human right??? OK, well maybe that's a stretch...

UGH, side bar, got the first bathroom poo whiff! Hurl!

After some stale mini pretzels and a good IPA beer, I am enjoying myself on this flight, happily blogging away. Oh, did I mention the "famous" rap artist "TI" is on the flight? I saw him when I was coming in and I was half wanting to crop dust the entire first class. He was quiet, just chilling, wearing his ice as rappers do. An older guy in front of me knew who he was and said hi discretely. TI politely said hi back.

35 Rows Back!!!!


SO here am I all the way back in the last row and 35 rows up I think I see TI waiting in line for the bathroom! Well I guess he's gotta go just like all of us, or it's just a build up of gas due to airplane pressure. That happens to EVERYONE! Hahaha. I was thinking of inviting him back to join us peasants in rows 31-35 back in front of the bathrooms! I'll give up my sisters seat to TI! LOL But honestly, no offense to TI, this could be another celebrity or first class person whom I'd give grief to. My simmering peasant anger knows no bounds! 

Second side bar, someone just breathed their airplane halitosis breath on me! UGH!

I actually fly in first class on a flight once!. I was in my 20s and was traveling with (surprise surprise) my sister Sheryl. The flight attendant asked me if I wanted to be bumped up to first class on them. I looked at Sheryl and she graciously told me to take it for she'd already experienced first class and wanted me too. She said she'd be alright in coach and for me to enjoy it. She barely got the final part out and I was already grabbing my inflight magazine and Walkman and made a bee-line for the first class cabin.

I settled into what seemed like the most comfortable pleather lazy boy EVER and ordered a beer. Everything was so nice and smelled so good. There were even fresh flowers in the bathroom! I came out of the bathroom and announced it to everyone "They've got FRESH-CUT flowers in the can!" as if I'd never seen them before. I got complimentary headphones, a pillow and a blanket. The snacks even seemed better.

But, alas, for all of the finery and trappings, I did not truly enjoy the experience. I tried to but I spent pretty much the entire trip worrying about my sister stuck back in coach! AND I wanted to experience it with her too, not some stuffy business man next to me.

Hell, maybe next time I'll march up to first class and drag that rapper TI back with me and give his first class seat to my sister! :)

Comments

  1. AnonymousJune 7, 2018 at 9:19 AM

    TI? How about TMI!.. lol I didn't know that the pressure in the plane causes gas. Makes sense though. Also, the aisle seat is the best for all the reasons you mentioned. Although I'd rather have a seat closer to the front, if at all possible. Being stuck at the back of the plane while waiting for the doors to open after landing, with everyone standing locked into place, gives me claustrophobia.

    Good read as always.

    Dk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marc Haynes is Focused at Fifty! June 13, 2018 at 10:24 AM

      Thank you for the comment! That's the worst, sitting there for 20 minutes waiting to disembark!

      Delete
  2. AnonymousJune 7, 2018 at 9:31 AM

    Never have had any experience as a First Class passenger, but have flown Business Class a few times and that is pretty damned good... you get the early drink, seats are much more comfortable than coach and the staff is attentive. Alas some airlines have eliminated it, so it's not always a choice. Which is why I hate to fly anymore... Sensei.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marc Haynes is Focused at Fifty! June 13, 2018 at 10:23 AM

      You are still a bunch of people in a sardine can being propelled forward at 400 MPH! LOL

      Delete
  3. Chuck BudaJune 9, 2018 at 2:28 PM

    Halitosis!!!! LOMFL

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

AP Cake, A PA Dutch Recipe

Image
"AP Cake" A couple of years back, I had a blog project named “Cooking Through Family”. You can check out the recipes I made on the labels tab of the same name on the front of my blog page. I made about 85% of my Mom’s, Dad’s family, and Mom’s family recipes learning about my family as I went through each recipe, remembering our fun time, etc. The only ones I did not make were the baking ones which included the cakes, cookies, bars and pies.  The Clutzy Baker I don't know why but I've always had an unnatural fear of baking but it  always seemed so scientific. Now I am not talking about the Betty Crocker box cakes, brownie mixes, or chocolate chip cookie dough "rolls". I am talking about baking from scratch. Almost anyone can spoon out cookie dough and shove it in the oven for 30 minutes.  In school, I’ve always been better with the arts, literary and history classes rather than sciences or mathematics. I always meant to get back to the baking recipes and I th...
Read more

A Monster Allergic Reaction: Erythritol

Image
Marc with Hives (Cabbage Patch link) By chance, I completed this blog post on Mother's Day so I guess I will put it up dedicated to my dear Mother Abby. Not a day goes by where I don't think about you, miss you, and love you. And I guess I will thank my Mother for passing on a whole mess of allergies to me, LOL. It's not so bad, I live with them. Sometimes as you will see below, a new allergy will crop up and be added to my list. As my Mom once said to me, "Your allergies? Well you can thank your Mother for that one!" A couple years ago, my doctor recommended I stop drinking so much coffee as well as those energy drinks. I drank the energy drinks fairly often like at least once every couple days. It didn't matter the brand, just whatever was on sale or available. He had stated that he thought there was nothing beneficial to them from a nutritional standpoint and he'd rather have me drink my coffee instead. I did not completely give up my coffee bu...
Read more

Favorite Kitchen Tools

Image
"Voile" Pasta Measurer by Alessi Throughout the years, I have acquired several favorite cooking tools as gifts or through my own discoveries. I am always on the lookout for cool kitchen gadgets. Mom's favorite kitchen tool was the wooden spoon. When we stepped out of line, she would grab it and threaten to paddle us with it. She was kidding/half serious most of the time but I think I remember once or twice when I got the spoon to my butt for being a bad kid. Mom swore by wooden kitchen tools and to this day, I have plenty in my kitchen as well. The first favorite kitchen tool is the "Voile" Alessi Pasta Measurer. Alessi is an incredible Italian design company. Check out more of their wares at www.alessi.com . It was a gift from my father and stepmom Martha. Each circle in the pasta measurer is for a different amount of pasta. It was truly a perfect gift from the two of them as it encompassed Martha's passion for the kitchen and cooking, and ...
Read more