Flying First Class ... NOPE

"Enjoying a beer flying the friendly skies!"



Airlines promote separation of the classes!

When I fly, I know that the one thing I insist upon is an aisle seat. I used to want the window seat. No longer. You can have it. The pics you will take will come out crummy anyway. TRUST ME. I like the option of getting up for the bathroom without having to climb over people. And as I get older, my poo cycles are VERY important to this 48 year old man.

I don't mind any seat really. Emergency seat, over the wing, front, back, its all good. Well may there is one exception I am experiencing right now. I am in the last row of the plane, with the bathrooms right behind me! i am hearing every high powered vacuumed swoosh of the toilet flushing. Luckily no smells yet 3 hrs into this 6 hour flight.

I am also hearing the gossiping and chatter of the flight attendants. I love it. Nothing really that bad. The one gal says to the male flight attendant, can you please go to 15E, I just can't go again. And he's all like, OK sister, but you owe me for this one! And she said DEAL! LOL

The flight attendants finally started taking beverage orders. I was gonna have a bloody mary with my sis Sheryl but she passed out next to me. (I stayed over her house last night and I think we each got only 4 hours of sleep!) I DID NOTICE that the flight attendants took first class's beverage order before we got off the ground! And THEN, they left their lights on while they darkened the rest of the plane's lights for take off! What are we not light worthy back in the peasant section??? Isn't light a basic human right??? OK, well maybe that's a stretch...

UGH, side bar, got the first bathroom poo whiff! Hurl!

After some stale mini pretzels and a good IPA beer, I am enjoying myself on this flight, happily blogging away. Oh, did I mention the "famous" rap artist "TI" is on the flight? I saw him when I was coming in and I was half wanting to crop dust the entire first class. He was quiet, just chilling, wearing his ice as rappers do. An older guy in front of me knew who he was and said hi discretely. TI politely said hi back.

35 Rows Back!!!!



SO here am I all the way back in the last row and 35 rows up I think I see TI waiting in line for the bathroom! Well I guess he's gotta go just like all of us, or it's just a build up of gas due to airplane pressure. That happens to EVERYONE! Hahaha. I was thinking of inviting him back to join us peasants in rows 31-35 back in front of the bathrooms! I'll give up my sisters seat to TI! LOL But honestly, no offense to TI, this could be another celebrity or first class person whom I'd give grief to. My simmering peasant anger knows no bounds! 

Second side bar, someone just breathed their airplane halitosis breath on me! UGH!

I actually fly in first class on a flight once!. I was in my 20s and was traveling with (surprise surprise) my sister Sheryl. The flight attendant asked me if I wanted to be bumped up to first class on them. I looked at Sheryl and she graciously told me to take it for she'd already experienced first class and wanted me too. She said she'd be alright in coach and for me to enjoy it. She barely got the final part out and I was already grabbing my inflight magazine and Walkman and made a bee-line for the first class cabin.

I settled into what seemed like the most comfortable pleather lazy boy EVER and ordered a beer. Everything was so nice and smelled so good. There were even fresh flowers in the bathroom! I came out of the bathroom and announced it to everyone "They've got FRESH-CUT flowers in the can!" as if I'd never seen them before. I got complimentary headphones, a pillow and a blanket. The snacks even seemed better.

But, alas, for all of the finery and trappings, I did not truly enjoy the experience. I tried to but I spent pretty much the entire trip worrying about my sister stuck back in coach! AND I wanted to experience it with her too, not some stuffy business man next to me.

Hell, maybe next time I'll march up to first class and drag that rapper TI back with me and give his first class seat to my sister! :)