The Final Scene

"My BF Grant and I, 1997"

Youth is a gift of nature, but age is work of art. 

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, Polish writer and poet 

I look at the youth of today and sometimes try and connect. I get this look from them like "You can't connect with me, you're old." I know that look. As I cringe, my inner voice frantically questions, "What? Wait, but I'm still only 50? I'm not that old. I'm middle aged! I still feel like 35 (well, mentally)!"  

I look at what they wear, I look at the music they listen to, the trends, the expressions (no idea what they're saying) and I know I am not of that generation. It's all good though. We all have our time and place. I just wish it didn't smart as much to know those days are in my past.  

I was checking out with the cashier at a convenience store the other evening. He was young, early 20s, I made a joke. He stared at me blankly. I thought for a second that he didn't get my joke. In a flash, I went through it in my head. Did I not make sense? It was a simple joke! Why didn't he laugh? Was it not funny? NO, it was hilarious. I even laughed again in my head. He kept staring at me like, OK, we're done here. He actually just said, "Have a nice day Sir." I was still crushed. It was an older adult FAIL. 

I actually remember the last time I was at a very hip lounge in Philly where I realized I was no longer a part of the "scene." Clubs were phasing out and the newest thing was the lounges. It turned out to be one of my last cool, hip times and I ended up feeling outta place. It was at this moment that I knew the next generation was here. The song playing was "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado, the year 2006. Hey I figure I stayed pretty cool and relevant until 2006. Not so bad. 36 became the beginning of the end of my eternal youth.  

I remember moving through the lounge thinking, Wow, it's really crowded here. Why is it so hot? These crazy lights are making me dizzy. It will take for ever to get a beer and the music is way too loud. Some random guy suddenly offered me drugs and I was like, "It's way too late for drugs, no thanks." He looked at me like I was crazy and worst of all, ancient and unhip. (It was only midnight but Marc from his 20s would've been like WHERE???). Everyone was around me dancing, moving, grooving. Bodies pressed up against one another. All I could think about was a slice of pizza and my comfy bed. Where was the Marc who could dance until 5 am and then go for breakfast? Where was the Marc who knew every song, every dance, every style and trend? I knew my time was done. I knew this was my last time in this type of scene. And I was correct. 

I observe them, these kids (anyone younger than me is now a kid). I wince, I laugh, grumble and shake my head in disbelief. Sometimes I shake my fist (picture it, on the porch as they speed by in their hot-rods.)  "SLOW DOWN you damn kids! These kids, they'll never learn!" But ya know what, they will. They will get there. It takes time, it often takes years. But they will get there and know what it's like. They will know what it's like to have gained wisdom and lost youth.

We middle-aged and older adults need to stay positive as we progress in our age and our lives. We have learned so much in our collective years and we cannot let our age be a negative or get us down. We need to embrace it and make it work for us. 

One thing which keeps me going and keeps me positive is the music of my youth, my 80s and my 90s. I need to get me revved up for what the day brings! It helps me feel alive and energized. I still listen to the new stuff and I like a lot of it, I really do. BUT, I will not give MY music up!  

There are even a couple of youngins' which I connect with along with. They joke with me being Old Man Haynes. It's a moniker among them which I happily wear. A bit of self-deprecation is good for the soul. I acknowledge it and we laugh about it. I always remind then that when I was their age, they were but a glimmer in their parent's eye. Of course they roll their eyes. 

I've earned my stripes, my wrinkles, my sprouting gray hairs. The younger folk are of a new generation, hopefully the generation which will save our world. But I still have so much to teach if they would only listen! 

When I speak with my niece and nephew, I see that they are listening, that I am getting through. This makes me proud. Their upbringing and respect comes from their parents (my brother Adam and sister-in-law Teresa) and before them, my parents and Teresa's parents. And then maybe it's not so bad. Youth of today, give some of us middle-aged folks a chance. We're not as bad or out of touch as you think we are and we may even be able to help you save this world!