Getting Burnt with People

As a child, I remember my mother was cooking in the kitchen on the stove, slowly stirring a small saucepan of Prego tomato sauce. I stood there right next to her, watching her intently. She moved the sauce onto a green avocado hot plate and turned off the electric burner, specifically warning me not to touch it as it was still hot.

Being ever so precocious, I touched it immediately and howled in pain. For a good two weeks, I had first and second degree burns on my palm in the shape of the electric stove coils. You live and learn, right? Maybe not. 

A waiter delivers my food in a restaurant and warns me that the plate is very hot as she puts it down in front of me. As soon as she leaves the table, I have this overwhelming urge to test her warning and touch it! I usually do and with my calloused fingers tips from decades of waiting tables, I laugh and scoff at her warning! 

The other week I was baking these incredible triple chocolate brownies. For a split second, I forgot that the baking pan was hot and grabbed it to check the brownies. Burnt two of my fingers and my thumb. No biggie, I laughed at my blunder. That was just pure stupidity. :) 

How many times do we have to be burnt before we learn our lesson? Unfortunately, being friends or in relationships with flawed individuals puts you at risk. I once had a close friend that just could not help himself with the back handed insults towards me.

Now there was a deeper routed issue in the friendship which I did not realize until after it had ended but we had so much history together that I kept putting up with it, the slight insults meant as jokes. The eyerolls talking about my other half. It went on and on and guess what? I finally moved on. It was difficult to be sure but once I realized what was happening, the clarity was almost overwhelming. 

In a relationship with our significant other or spouse, we compromise. This is the foundation of any good relationship. But are you compromising on your own principles? Does it involve your OWN insecurities? How often are you going back into something which you know will never change? And you keep getting burnt. 

The comes a point where compromising and getting burnt in the process is detrimental to your mental health. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It's sad but true. We are human and to a certain extent, we are all flawed.

That other person may never recognize that their past is affecting their present. You put up with it, getting burnt time and time again. One needs to open up their eyes to the fact that somethings will never change and it may be time to move on. 

Insecurity also plays a part. I myself have had my own insecurities cloud my judgement and therefore put up with a whole lot of bullshit which I normally would not have. Hence, getting burned. 

I was finally able to overcome this as I realized this was happening. Once you realize that why a person's behavior is happening and it is not specifically directed to you, you have clarity on the matter. 

It is then your decision to either continue the friendship or not. I have gone both ways in that decision. Some friendships are definitely worth it. One of them was. My friend is going through Hell and I chose to stay. (And I know I'm not the easiest friend to put up with!) 

Some other friendships ... not so much. Buh-bye.