Unabashedly Marc

"Unabashedly Marc"

The other afternoon, I passed the mirror in the hallway and glanced ever so slightly and quickly to my left. I stopped short with a fright, thinking I had seen my father or mother, but no, in that instant it was me staring back. My father's eyes. My mothers nose, her face. My real father's gray beard. Wow... it was me! 

I asked myself, When did this happen? Well it happened, I sighed. I stopped into the bathroom for a closer look and I see myself looking back at me in the mirror. And I also see my mother looking back at me. My biological father Joseph's eyes. The beard I vowed I would never grow, as I felt like I would look like the man I most despised. And yet here I was, unable to escape looking like the man I hated and happily looking like the woman I most loved (well, besides my dear Sis Sher LOL.) 😊

It was a conundrum of sorts. Left me a bit shaken and confused as to my feelings. I eventually realized that there is no out running my looks, whether younger or older. No out running my looks, whether a newly christened 50 something, or the tired eyes of a man wondering how life brought him to this place. And finally, no out running my looks, whether I looked like my beloved mother, or the man whom I biologically came from. 

Luckily years of therapy have prepped me for moments like this. No breakdown occurred. Just once again that deep sigh of acceptance. It is what it is. Basically revealing two parts of my existence. One hated (Joe) and one loved (Mom). Forever a part of me. I gave one credence. Guess who! And I eventually barely gave the other one a nod.

Then I spied it. That GRAY HAIR. Once again, I spied that one gray hair in my eyebrow. Growing strongly up and out. UGH, it's back. It keeps coming back. It’s that little reminder that I am “becoming seasoned” as I tell my adopted and beloved father Robert Haynes. I call my gray hairs a rite of passage marching towards my golden ... um, I mean silver age. 😁

I could give up the white nose hairs though. They stick out like a sore thumb. I am constantly trimming them up outta sight until a close friend tells me that they are showing again. They're rather prickly. LOL 

The ones growing out of my ears annoy me too. I see the ones on the outer ear, they are easy enough to pluck out or shave each week or two. But then I have a couple which grow quickly in my ear, silently and hiding until that one moment I glance at my ear and see an inch long hair sticking out! 

Where the fuck did THAT come from! I'm in faux shock and eventually laugh and sigh. I pluck it from the inside of my ear, knowing full well that that lil bastard will grow back again. A rite of passage or an aging curse? Maybe a little of both. 

I have plucked that damn gray eyebrow hair twice now and it's come back with a vengeance. Mocking me. Growing back twice as quickly as before. 

I accept the lines streaking out from my eyes. The bags which appear after a bad night's rest. The gray hairs in odd spots. My gray patch on the side of my hair which now comes in fuller each month. It's a part of me. But than damn eyebrow hair just mocks me. I should name it. But then again, it would probably like that and I don't wanna give it that satisfaction! 

Anyone know a good local therapist ... or bartender? 😏