Focused at Fifty

"Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann, 1948 Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all...

Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/green-tree-268533/ Aimless. I feel like I am adrift. Like a twig or stick thrown by a young child into that rushing torrent of a stream. The stick, being tossed to and fro in the froth of the current, still moves forward yet occasionally being stuck on a rock or a log across the stream. Eventually it is tossed free and continuing down the same path of life.  I sometimes feel that I am moving on a rather tedious day to day journey. Getting up, commuting, working, commuting, going to bed, rinse and repeat ... like a bad 80s shampoo commercial. Breck, Pert, Prell, name your choice. Hahaha. 😛 After all, it was Tony Soprano from the series, “The Sopranos”   who made a disturbingly accurate statement about life: “It’s all a series of distractions until you die." Well if that isn’t depressing, then I don’t know what is. I have always been very motivated with my writing, but not so much as of late. And it gets me very sad. Just no moti...

The Grand Canyon of Potholes. Thanks PENNDOT!  Guess what? I had an incredible crappy week! It just sucked. To start off, it was the anniversary of my Mom's death. I used to say "passing" but why? To save people from uncomfortable feelings? To be polite? I'm just so done with that. She died in 2009. She is dead. And it still fucking sucks. And so here I am. For a good week each year, I suffer and deal with it.  Life goes on. Yes, it does. I still hurt but I've learned to encapsulate it so the pain doesn't prevent me from moving on. That's the key, right? The pain doesn't go away. We just learn how to deal with it on a day to day basis. I think that's OK. I don't ever wanna get over the pain.  I was supposed to go to Maine this weekend and that got screwed up. A car failed to see I was in their blind spot and moved over into my lane on an extremely busy highway. I in turn, drove over the white fog line in a defensive measure and crashed over a p...

I have had writer's block as of late. My ideas have not flowed. My mind has been on other things these last couple months including family and home. This morning though, I decided to really learn about what's happening in Ukraine. I spent the morning going through the many articles and photos of Ukraine's invasion by Russia to get a complete understanding on the horrors of which are happening. I hit the major news outlets, liberal and conservative, and everything in between. After two hours of reading, listening and viewing, I felt compelled to write some thoughts about it and the state of our world and society. Our own small worlds will continue for now with the major disruption being higher priced goods and at the pump. And let's face it, it will not dissipate anytime soon. I am very angry and upset about the rising gas prices.  I am continuously making adjustments to my budget as I commute an hour a day each way to work. I am feeling the pinch as most of us are. Luck...

"Mt. Katahdin seen from Mt. Chase, Maine" What is my purpose in this life? What is your purpose? Have you figured it out? I surely have not. It worries me; this nagging in the back of my mind. What was I supposed to do on this Earth? What is my destiny? What is my calling? I feel sometimes like I am the only one wondering this. Does anyone else ask this question? Or feel as lost of I do? I am constantly busy: writing, my relationship, my friends, my family, taking care of Moxie Cat, antiques, regular work, my household, the Maine house, cataloging stuff, researching stuff. That's a lot and that sums it up but I worry that life is passing me by without making a difference for others.  What will I be known for? Will anyone truly care or remember what I have done? What is my legacy? I want to climb that mountain again and SCREAM, "Stop, Stop, STOP!!!! Stop this ticking clock from ticking till the end!" It's going too fast. Wasn't I just 25? Wasn't I jus...