Focused at Fifty

Marc & the Big Ragu, World's End  This Fall has once again shown me that I have much to be thankful for. I am blessed with close friends and family, a solid career, a warm home, my new lil SUV, the Blueberry, two loving pets, the awesome force in my life known as the Big Ragu, and my health! I will attempt to curb my minor complaining. I have gained some weight as of late so if you hear me complaining, feel free to shove a beer or a snack into my face to shut me up. I have had some dissappointments this past year but I have learned from them. After cabin hunting across New England this Fall, the Big Ragu and I did not find our dream cabin/retirement home yet but that's ok. I am blessed enough to be able to be even thinking about getting a second home. That's pretty lucky so I shouldn't complain.  My heart grows heavy thinking about those that aren't even sure where their next night may be. I have no doubt that our vacation home is out there, we ju...

"Sunflowers for Cynthia"   My good friend is nearing the end of her life. When it comes time to begin thinking of saying goodbye to a close friend or family member there are so many thoughts and emotions that one goes through. My mind races from the past to the present and back again. I have been through it before, but each time it is just as emotional and difficult, but as it should be. It should not be easy to say goodbye. It’s not meant to be. For some of us, the good bye will have to be from afar. We are unable to get the time off. Unfortunately more often than not, our employers do not give us off for the bereavement of friends, even if that person has been more like family than one’s own family. Others cannot handle the visual repercussions of illness, accident or trauma. They cannot bear to see their friends or family member in such a state. And that is OK, there is nothing wrong with that. We are all different and should not be made to feel guilty ...

"Dad and Me 💓" The following blog was written during my visit in August to see my 88 year old father. He just had heart surgery to fix a flap and was doing remarkably well. He was kept overnight and released the next day. I arrived the following day to Arcata, CA to begin a long weekend of serious father/son time. No activities were firmly planned. Maybe an idea here and there but nothing set. My main goal was to visit with my father and connect on a deep level. I am lucky that what I had wanted was achieved back to me ten-fold. Some of the following is written in present tense prose. I sit quietly as my father sits in the corner of his bedroom on a rush seated ladder back chair; he is deeply involved in a book he wants to discuss with me. It is one of the major books by the esteemed author, wood block artist, Lynd Ward, who also happens to be my Dad's father-in-law. A compilation of Lynd Ward's incredible works. With each movement, the wooden chair creaks e...

It was Winston Churchill who so eloquently stated, “If you are going through hell, keep going.” We all have them, those emotional rough patches. They can be triggered by family, relationships, friends, work, physical issues, or finances. I’m sure you can come up with other triggers as well. It’s those times in life which become so overwhelming you are at a loss of what to do. I recently hit a rough patch which effected many areas of my life including work and friends. My rough patch was triggered by these two subjects. And so goes the merry-go-round of emotions, each making the other worse by exacerbating my existing issues. As I stare out of my 3 rd floor office window (and yes, I write over my lunch while at work), I gaze out at beyond the Allentown skyline at the Blue Mountain range stretching from as far West as I can see to as far East as I can see.  What is beyond that view? I cannot see it but I know it is there. For me right here right now, it is hidden f...

"My Commuting Buddy"  I was commuting the other day on Route 78 by Lehigh Street in Allentown and passed an senior citizen driving along in his little colorful car. He looked to be in his upper 70's early 80s and was still working. How do I know? Because he was driving a colorful little auto parts store, bright green, yellow with writing in orange. My commuting buddy looked exactly like that cartoon character old man in the movie where his house was lifted up by a huge mass of balloons. EXACTLY like him. Rather comical. Anyway, I passed the old guy and smiled. He was focused so intently on driving. Good for him! The next week, perhaps Monday after work, I stopped at the Wawa on Lehigh Street for gas and who pulled up to the pump behind me was the my favorite colorful senior citizen commuter! I looked over and nodded to him. He nodded back in greeting. A couple days later, I was driving on Martin Luther King Dr, crossing Oxford Drive and my little old friend passed...

"Burden"  I feel crushed as the weight of this world pins me down. It rests fully upon me, Upon my body and my tired soul. I stare up at the wispy clouds overhead, my breath labored. The clouds are floating freely, so light, Changing their shape ever so slowly, So angelic, filled with colors unseen. Why can't I change my shape, my attitude, my mindset As these clouds do along their journey? Sometimes I don't know, how will I continue. Whether it's the burden of past decisions which forces me down Or the burden of past ways which have hurt others. My cross to bear, my rock to push up the hill, My Earth resting so precariously on my shoulders. A hand reaches downward from the Heavens, lifts me up. My guardian angel caresses my face, wiping away that salty tear. I am here to help, to give you strength. My son! We all bear those crosses, of different shapes and sizes. You are not the young man of your twenties. You are not the n...

I climb the mountain until my hands are scraped, bloodied. I wander through the forest until I find a clearing, weary from exhaustion. I get swept out to the dark sea by oppressive waves, My arms outstretched towards the fading light as I sink deeper in the abyss. Do you see how I've grown? Do you see I've suffered along the way? I am afraid of not when the sun sets but when the dawn breaks. The new morning's light may bring me that fearful clarity Which could ultimately destroy our fortress. I wonder when calm will come to the thunder raging inside. My soul yearns for comfort, for serenity, but at what cost ... Thunderclaps shatter the glass around me Piercing me to my core, my shield not yet strong enough. I fear these torrential rains mean the sun won't shine And if I have to, I will sit in these rains alone, waiting for them to end. I will wait for that light to warm my soul once again, That summer light which warms me deep inside. The light wil...