Open Mouth, Insert Foot

First example:

The week before I got my new car, I was still driving around my trusty red rocket Saturn wagon and stopped for some gas. While filing up, I spied the car on the other side of the the pump. It was a beautiful royal blue Toyota Camry, just like I was about to get, except mine would be gun metal grey. The lady pumping gas just reeked high glass: hair up in a tight bun, designer shades, designer suit, pearls, high heels. She glanced over at me and smiled.

"Hi, how ya doing?" I said back,
"I'm fine," she stated nicely but cooly.
"I'm getting the same car, I'm so excited," I gushed.
"Really? I just love it. It drives so smooth. And I love how it looks," she replied, now warming up to me.
"Yeah, I can't wait to get rid of this old Saturn and finally get a new car. Toyota Camrys are so reliable!"
"Camry?!" she exclaimed, her eyes turning to evil fire and brimstone. "THIS ISN'T A CAMRY! THIS IS AN INFINITI 'G' SERIES SEDAN. THEY DON'T EVEN LOOK ALIKE!"
I paused and stuttered, "Oh ... I'm sorry, it looked like a Camry ..."
"NO IT DOES NOT!" she exclaimed,
"Again, I'm sorry."
With that, she turned her back and refused to even look over at me. Someone's a bit touchy, I thought to myself.

Second example:

I came across an email I had sent to my brother way back in 2004. My sister and I went to a flea market around the historic Fairmont Prison in the Art Museum neighborhood of Philly. We were walking around and stopped at these ladies' table with all sorts of Zen, Buddha, and meditation stuff. I had been going through a particularly stressful and frazzled time (imagine that) and thought it would be great to try and find some peace in my life.

One of the women recommended a book on meditation saying, "This book helped me through a really dark time in my life. It is a step by step guide to rediscovering your light and energy. It will really help you destress, relax, and reach your goals."

My sister, looking at stuff on the table, stated real loud to the woman and myself, "You should do what I do, just try alcohol!"
"Yeah, right!" I agreed laughing. "Two drinks and I am on my way to feeling gooood!"

I laughed out loud and thought nothing of it. The woman just stared at me strangely and coldly. Okaaaay, I thought. I paid her the 25 cents for the book and moved on. It was only after I walked away that I looked down at the book and noticed that it was an Alcoholics Anonymous meditation book. I'm such an ass.

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