Focused at Fifty

Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/green-tree-268533/ Aimless. I feel like I am adrift. Like a twig or stick thrown by a young child into that rushing torrent of a stream. The stick, being tossed to and fro in the froth of the current, still moves forward yet occasionally being stuck on a rock or a log across the stream. Eventually it is tossed free and continuing down the same path of life.  I sometimes feel that I am moving on a rather tedious day to day journey. Getting up, commuting, working, commuting, going to bed, rinse and repeat ... like a bad 80s shampoo commercial. Breck, Pert, Prell, name your choice. Hahaha. 😛 After all, it was Tony Soprano from the series, “The Sopranos”   who made a disturbingly accurate statement about life: “It’s all a series of distractions until you die." Well if that isn’t depressing, then I don’t know what is. I have always been very motivated with my writing, but not so much as of late. And it gets me very sad. Just no moti...

The Grand Canyon of Potholes. Thanks PENNDOT!  Guess what? I had an incredible crappy week! It just sucked. To start off, it was the anniversary of my Mom's death. I used to say "passing" but why? To save people from uncomfortable feelings? To be polite? I'm just so done with that. She died in 2009. She is dead. And it still fucking sucks. And so here I am. For a good week each year, I suffer and deal with it.  Life goes on. Yes, it does. I still hurt but I've learned to encapsulate it so the pain doesn't prevent me from moving on. That's the key, right? The pain doesn't go away. We just learn how to deal with it on a day to day basis. I think that's OK. I don't ever wanna get over the pain.  I was supposed to go to Maine this weekend and that got screwed up. A car failed to see I was in their blind spot and moved over into my lane on an extremely busy highway. I in turn, drove over the white fog line in a defensive measure and crashed over a p...

I have had writer's block as of late. My ideas have not flowed. My mind has been on other things these last couple months including family and home. This morning though, I decided to really learn about what's happening in Ukraine. I spent the morning going through the many articles and photos of Ukraine's invasion by Russia to get a complete understanding on the horrors of which are happening. I hit the major news outlets, liberal and conservative, and everything in between. After two hours of reading, listening and viewing, I felt compelled to write some thoughts about it and the state of our world and society. Our own small worlds will continue for now with the major disruption being higher priced goods and at the pump. And let's face it, it will not dissipate anytime soon. I am very angry and upset about the rising gas prices.  I am continuously making adjustments to my budget as I commute an hour a day each way to work. I am feeling the pinch as most of us are. Luck...

"Mt. Katahdin seen from Mt. Chase, Maine" What is my purpose in this life? What is your purpose? Have you figured it out? I surely have not. It worries me; this nagging in the back of my mind. What was I supposed to do on this Earth? What is my destiny? What is my calling? I feel sometimes like I am the only one wondering this. Does anyone else ask this question? Or feel as lost of I do? I am constantly busy: writing, my relationship, my friends, my family, taking care of Moxie Cat, antiques, regular work, my household, the Maine house, cataloging stuff, researching stuff. That's a lot and that sums it up but I worry that life is passing me by without making a difference for others.  What will I be known for? Will anyone truly care or remember what I have done? What is my legacy? I want to climb that mountain again and SCREAM, "Stop, Stop, STOP!!!! Stop this ticking clock from ticking till the end!" It's going too fast. Wasn't I just 25? Wasn't I jus...

"Late Fall in Maine" What a year it has been. I don't want this to be a recap per se but more of just a commentary on this and that. Great things have happened, bad things have happened. I will touch on both. I am truly blessed for what I have. Yes I have complaints but most of them are rather comical and stupid like me freaking out to my doctor about an overblow minor medical issue (I arrive with a list) or me complaining the Maine house is soo big (really Marc? STFU fool). So as usual in no particular order, here's some of the real and ridiculous stuff I have dealt with:  I am neurotic and embrace it. I am a nerd and embrace it. I will always stand by my mantra that my glass is half full. In February, I got Covid the week before I was to get my vaccine which resulted in three weeks of an odd pandemic virus whose symptoms were unlike anything I've ever experienced before.  My brain fog from the Lyme disease is now exacerbated by the Covid. Yay me. Some days reall...

There was this little tree. It grew from a concrete barricade in the middle of the road and I would pass it every morning coming off of the 78 highway in A-town. It was a desolate lonely little tree. One who glances at it may think of it more as a bush. But I know differently. I saw it from the very beginning and it was a little evergreen tree. And rising out of that cold concrete barricade, it stood as proudly as any tree ever could.  I smiled every time I saw it. It grew in a place where no little tree should grow. It grew against impossible odds, against harsh weather, harsh traffic and no soil. Starting as a small little sprout, it grew into a stubble, the then into the most perfect little which could ever grow from a stark concrete barricade. It oddly comforted me during my pandemic commute.  And then, true life happened and intervened. I drove past one morning and it had died. Was it the weather elements? The constant exhaust? The lack of water or soil? Possibly all thre...

Katahdin Woods and Water National Monument During this last trip to Maine in October, I learned a lot. I have every trip to Maine but this time, I  decided to share it with you rather than keep this incredible wealth of knowledge trapped up in my mind. I mean FASCINATING! OK, just grab yourself a beer, hopefully an IPA and pull up a chair. There are lots of weird different bugs in Maine. I can't identify them. I see them and am like, OK that's new! Something purple with fangs.... now SHOOO!!!!  There are lots of spiders. Different colors and shapes and sizes. Luckily nothing which screams "Kingdom of the Spiders". Maine potatoes are just as good if not better than Idaho potatoes. And the fields of white potato flower are just beautiful!  Goats, chickens, sheep, horses and donkeys make great field buddies together. Add cows into the mix and it's a different story. (Awwwwwkwaaarrrd) Apparently cows have attitude?  Lobster is better in pairs and definitely steamed...